


Home again

by OhhMyy



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-16
Updated: 2016-05-16
Packaged: 2018-06-08 20:24:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6872146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OhhMyy/pseuds/OhhMyy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James "Bucky" Barnes has gone two years without an incident, he's settled into life with the avengers and been accepted as one of the good guys. What happens when a two year streak is broken whilst he sleeps next to the love of his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Home again

**Author's Note:**

> First time writing smut. Rough draft of a story that may or may not be continued. Should be fine to read as a one shot. Feedback welcome. Possible sequel in the works.

She awakes with a jolt, tumbling away from a restful night sleeps (dreams of elephants she’ll remember later, whenever she thinks back to this night the first thing she’ll think of is elephants, not the events that followed but God damned elephants) just in time to feel the metal arm crash into her side, picking her up before she can blink the sleep from her eyes. 

She turns just in time to see his cold, emotionless eyes. She’s aware enough to recognize this side of him before he throws her (with one arm. She finds that impressive just before the pain hits) out of their bed and she slides across the floor. Her back hits the kitchen counter, a testament not only to the flawless apartment design Tony had created but how much stronger than her he is. 

“James?” She questions. She hopes to get through to him, but she knows James isn’t in right now. For a split second he pauses but his eyes remain unchanged and he continues on his route through their shared space towards her as she lifts herself from the ground. 

Standing, she reaches quickly to the counter, to a knife left out from their dinner the night before, just in time to feel cold but familiar metal on her neck. Bucky lifts her good few inches and her toes clamor for purchase where she knows in her head there is none.

“James, please” She splutters it out, he’s not squeezing yet, his warm, flesh and bone hand is on her waist and she wonders distantly if Bucky Barns is lurking somewhere beneath the Winter Soldier but the thought leaves quickly as it presses down harshly. She is aware of four things, firstly that if he squeezes she will die, secondly that her abdomen feels like it is on fire and thirdly she is still holding the knife. The fourth thought is that she honest to a God she doesn’t believe in she is unsure which one of them she’d rather die at this specific moment in time. 

It feels like an eternity, but in reality only a few seconds can have possibly passed. She plunges the knife into his hip, right by the bone and she hears it crunch. His grip loosens and he moves his other hip so it is pressing into her, dropping the metal arm and leaning his head against her shoulder. The change between the two personalities is seamless and she can sense the change in the room before he speaks

“I’m sorry Doll, you did good” stopping, he huffs a breath and she feels his muscles clench before he continues “Proud of ya, Darlin’”. He drops away from her, half into the kitchen bar stool behind, stumbling a bit. She screams for Vision, knows that even if security in the tower is off he will hear her. Screams that she needs help and a medic. 

Kneeling before James, she whispers his name, mumbling apologies repeatedly after she is sure he recognizes his title. Runs her hands anywhere she can reach that won’t hurt him as the doors to their apartment burst open. A sight that would on any other day have made her laugh, a group of superheroes clad in various types of nightwear and followed by the resident doctor. 

They take James down to the medical wing and he glances to her with an expression she can’t read just before he disappears out of sight. Though she swore she’d go with him anywhere, to the end of the earth, she does not follow. 

 

Down in the med wing they clean Bucky up and check him over, his enhancement means he heals quickly but his brainwashing makes him forgetful and foggy, the doctor is pretty sure he’s out of it before the knife is even all the way out of his hip. 

When Steve comes back up to the apartment he finds her sitting in the same stool with her head resting on the counter, without thinking he places a hand on her shoulder and kicks himself when she flinches. He offers her an apologetic smile just as she tumbles forward and cries into his chest. He tells her that Bucky will be fine, he won’t blame her, and they’ll figure it out. She adores Steve Rogers but it all sounds like lies.

Roughly a month later she is proven correct. Bucky returns to their apartment not long after he’s healed, he opens up to Steve (and the therapist the group had insisted he see) that after two years without an episode a dream that happened to mention the words in the right sequence set him off. He tells them how he remembers the look of fear on her face, remembers the feel of closing his fingers around her throat but he barely remembers the pain as the knife sliced his hip.

He won’t touch her, she went for a hug on his return and the shrug she received felt like it may as well have been a hit.

He has slept in the guest room for a month. They eat breakfast together, barely speaking. He leaves early, sees his therapist, goes for a run and spends as much time in the group as possible to avoid being alone with her – everyone notices that previously quiet Bucky has become a social butterfly. She spends her day in the gym, hitting the punching bags in a desperate attempt to get rid of her anger (it does not work), she spas with Steve and then Natasha and on a bad day, when both of them have left and it has been four hours that seem like none, with Clint (who jokes with her, makes her laugh and always tries to get her to talk with little success). 

She doesn’t pack up her things when she starts staying with Clint. She still orders groceries to Bucky’s place, knowing he forgets to eat. They watch TV together, he still makes her laugh and one night she finally talks, laying in Clint’s bed, head pressed into his stomach as he rubs circles on her back and listens in silence.

“I wanted to kill him” she confesses, the sobbing has long stopped and now she just sniffs “I hated him ruining what we’d worked so hard for, isn’t that twisted?” Clint chuckles darkly and reminds her that their lives are all a little twisted. “I’d planned it you know, not killing him” she huffs “I always had it in the back of my head where I’d have to hit him if he ever changed, nowhere that would cause lasting damage but enough to make him stop. I never dreamed of having a relationship where I might have to stab my boyfriend”. Clint mentions that when he was little he always dreamed of being an astronaut. She laughs, a full on fit of beautiful laughter that makes her eyes water all over again. Before she drifts off to sleep she thinks how sick it is that she vaguely misses the worry of being killed in her sleep. 

It comes to a head after another week; the group are having a movie night. Steve, Bucky and Tony sit on one sofa (a sight the rest of them have to stop and look at), Natasha sits on an armchair playing with Thor's hair as he sits at her feet, Vision and Wanda are sitting as close as possible to each other whilst attempting to make it look like they are very far apart and she sits with Clint, leaning back into his waist, his arm draped around her shoulders as she rests her feet on Steve’s lap. Bucky looks over to her every few minutes, looks away whenever she catches him. Clint leans down and mumbles “Are you alright?” into her ear and Bucky aims in his direction “Turn the movie up, some people can’t stop talking”. She makes herself as small as she can, moving her feet from Steve (and smiling slightly when he raises a concerned eyebrow at her) and curling her legs up to her chest. 

When Clint’s arm brushes her waist accidentally she chuckles. Bucky turns to glare at the pair (everyone else turning to look between the ex-lovers) and she buries her head in her knees, stifling her breathing and trying to bury deeper into herself, hoping that if she is still and silent that James wont hate her forever. It is only Steve that catches Bucky’s anguished and guilty eyes, torn between jealousy and pain at how miserable she looks. If anyone asks, he’d openly admit he knows nothing is happening between her and Clint, but he can’t find a way to deal with his feelings, her feelings and the fact he should be the one making her laugh. When Clint tries again to ask if she is okay (adding a “Sweetheart” to the end of his question) Bucky snaps. 

“Why don’t you two get a fucking room?!”, Steve and Tony flinch, instinctively on the lookout and Natasha’s hands drop though any of them can tell she’s preparing them for a fight. None of them expect the response, not even her as she says it “I had one, but someone tried to murder me in it!”, she uncurls, lifts herself from Clint and storms away from the living room. Bucky lifts himself to follow. 

Thor glances up “should we follow?” he questions but is quieted by hands returning to his locks and a swift head shake from Steve as the movie continues. 

Just as she gets to the inside of her old apartment, fully intending to take it back and tell that asshole where to go, she feels herself being spun around, pushed by the arms against the same wall spot where it all began. Her pulse picks up and as if sensing her fear the grip loosens. She lifts her head enough to look into his eyes, sees the anger there and pushes out a breathy “James” from between her lips. He shakes his head, hair flopping into her face and she wants nothing more than to brush it away. He lifts her from the ground, all strength and anger but his touch is gentle, hands clenching against her biceps (firmer than ever he notes in his head).

She wraps her legs firmly around his waist and locks her ankles. He lets out a growl as his hips come into contact with hers and his hands move to grip the sides of her waist. He stares at her, smoldering as his eyes rock from hers, to her lips and back up again and he's been at least half hard since she said his name. She leans slightly, smashing her lips against his. It is not gentle, it is teeth and tongues and heavy breathing when they pull apart. He moves one hand down to hold her hip, hands so big he is gripping her ass at the same time and she rolls forward against him. 

His other hand leaves her waist, pulling her skirt away at the front and bringing his hand up to cup her through her underwear. Her head slams back into the wall as he pushes the soaked article to the side and slides a finger into her roughly. She clenches hard around the digit and he pulls it out just as quickly as he pushed in. Bucky unbuttons his jeans as quickly as he can, pushing his boxers down at the same time before pushing into her in one thrust. The air leaves her lungs and her head drops forward as his forehead comes to rest against her. He thrusts hard and fast, hoisting her every so often as she slips down the wall, an air of grunting and groaning filling the tense silence. Only when she lets out a sob does he pause, stopping completely when he feels a tear drop from her face onto his collar. 

“Don’t hate me” she whispers, glancing up at him “Please, please stop hating me”. His eyes change, he is confused, but the confusion is soon replaced by a look of love so strong is almost takes her breath away. He presses his lips to hers, not quite kissing them and murmurs “I love you, I love you, I love you” before thrusting again, slowly, gently. He moves his lips down to place chaste kisses to the hollow of her throat as he slides in and out of her. She can feel herself reaching her peak, but she can’t quite get there. James senses her frustration, brings a hand to the front of her and locates her clit, pressing gently against it before he feels her clench, fluttering around him. He thrusts twice more before joining her, a month’s worth of tension leaving them. 

He lets her legs down gently, holding her up as her knees buckle. He rests his head atop hers, pressing a kiss into her hair.

“I’m sorry Doll, didn’t mean to shut you out”, he kisses her hair again “Every time I tried to talk to you all I could see was you being scared a’ me. I want you t’ be happy, even if that’s without me. If you felt safer with Clint I would have found a way to deal with that” He knows he’s telling the truth, but can’t help but think his way of dealing would have been running, then again to Bucky they’ve been the same thing for a long time. “I want you to promise me if I ever try to hurt you, you’ll hurt me, kill me if you have to”. She doesn’t respond, knowing it’s not a promise she can make and refusing to promise something she can’t keep her end of.

“You don’t get to shut me out again Barnes, you made me feel worse in the last month than you did when I thought you’d kill me” he has the good grace to avert his eyes “We deal with this together, I know we have things to work out, I know you’re scared, but you don’t get to throw two years in my face and treat me like nothing”. No amount of apologizing will make it right, he knows, not tonight at least. 

He picks her up, bridal style, and carries her to the bed, smirking as she rolls herself up in the sheets and sighs “I’ve missed you” she mutters into the pillows as he climbs in beside her, wrapping his arms around her and tugging her close “I’ve missed you too” he breaths into her neck and she chuckles “I was talking to the bed” she replies “Clint’s bed sucks”.


End file.
